Happy New Year, Life/Balance and Wacky Division

Happy Two Thousand and Eight blog-readers! I am energized about a new year and the chance to make good on some new year’s resolutions. I never seem to tire of promising myself I’ll lose a few pounds, stick with an exercise program, save some money, and instill some discipline in this household. I’ll let you know when fundamental change occurs.

But first, I must note, that I read my cyber-neighbor’s, Lilly’s in Bloom, blog just seconds ago and was reminded about that difficult time period when maternity leave ends and difficult day-care decisions have to be made. I realize how lucky I am to have made it through those early, difficult years. I’ve gone from full-time work to stay-at-home- mom work and now, I think, I have found a nice, happy spot with a part-time legal writing gig that offers money and flexibility.

Years ago in my other life when I was a trial lawyer in a fancy-pants firm, my friend and fellow associate, an woman who had had her children and gone back to law school later in life, advised me that I needed to have children because if I didn’t, then one day I would find myself sitting at the dinner table with a dog dressed in a sweater. No offense to dog owners of course, but she had a point.

I gave full-time work and child rearing a good faith two-year try, but several factors sent that plan up in smoke. First, a string of incompetent nannies proved that Mary Poppins was a Disney creation. Second, day-care proved dependable, but Joey’s immune system couldn’t stand up to the daily assault. He had so many ear infections, pink eyes, strep throats and stomach bugs that one month I worked a total of four days. After two years of exhaustion, stress and a lot of money down the drain, I quit to stay home full-time.

One afternoon after I had been newly employed as my son’s caregiver for about three months (and I believe I was pregnant with his brother Ben), Joey and I were lying on a blanket on a grassy hill at a nearby park. We had eaten a picnic of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and had been unsuccessful in getting a kite to fly. I lay down on the blanket and stared up at the cloudless blue sky. I realized that I been lying there not worrying about the next day, or thinking about some cross-examination, or worrying about some detail at the office or phone call that had to be returned. There were no thoughts imposing themselves between this cloudless blue day, my two-year-old, and me.

Recently, when I was putting Ben to bed, he posed this math problem. He loves math problems and always likes a puzzle.
“How can you split three in half and get the same on both sides?”
“Well, half of three is one point five,” I said.
“No it isn’t,” he said.
“Yes, Ben, one point five is the same thing as one and a half. Half of three is one and a half.”
“I’ve got a better way.”
“Ben,” I insisted, “there isn’t a better way. Half of three is one and a half.”
“No,” he said, “You can give your mommy the other one.”

So Lilly, I hope you find the right life/work balance. There are certainly no easy answers. What I thought I would do with my life didn’t exactly happen as I originally planned. We often feel like we are torn in two and can’t do justice to either area. But there are, I am happy to report, lots of ways to work and be there for your children. It may just require some creative thought. I do know this; the job I loved the most gave me time for picnics and kite flying. Mostly because every single day, when you divide three in two equal parts, I get to keep the other one.